God’s Greatest Gift to Humanity: Masturbation

I write this immediately after three successful Hitachi vibrator-induced orgasms. Yes, three. I put digital ink to digital paper with a cloud of fairy-dusted satisfaction still lingering in the air above me. A sweet reminder that I don’t always need another person to sexually satisfy me (especially since I just ended a short lived fling with the best sex I've ever had). These orgasms mark a recent romantic end and a new personal beginning. 

In this post-nut haze, I must proclaim: masturbation is one of the greatest gifts God, big G-O-D, has given human beings.

Masturbation has allowed me to reclaim my sexuality in ways I never imagined. Sure, air is great—can't live without it. Food is also a top-tier invention by the Creator. But let's be real, not much beats the heart-racing sensation of an orgasm or even of great sex, with or without an orgasm. Nothing tops being topped or exploring the hidden corners of your body in ways that make you scream in pleasure, begging for more (unless you’re asexual then I’m sure many things top engaging in sexual activities). 

Self-pleasure has been one of my healing balms, soothing many old wounds from past sexual assaults. It's reminded me that my body has always been mine, never meant to be defiled. Masturbation showed me that I deserve to experience the same joys during sex that men with penises are often freely granted and forcibly demand.

In the emotionless battlefield of casual sex, masturbation has been my secret weapon, saving me from forgettable sexual encounters that serve no one but my male partners. Masturbation sparked a curiosity in me for all the ways I can please myself and savor the fruits of pleasure life has to offer. From discovering which foods delight my tongue and tummy to being more open to clothes that show up and show out my chichi’s, self-pleasure has been a journey of sensational discoveries.

Masturbation has taught me that loving my naked body is not a sin but a righteous act, a needed act endorsed by God who, with care, crafted this flesh suit I inhabit. The God I believe in wants me to cherish this one life I have and experience all the pleasant sensations built into my software and hardware. My God wants me to appreciate the folds that send shockwaves through my body–the insatiable need to feel my curves and make the movements they crave.

This is my God: an entity invested in my happiness.

Here's to masturbation, to reclaiming our bodies, and to the multiple dimensions of pleasure that exist. I want my life to be about self-discovery, healing, and a touch of divine indulgence, so join me–wand in hand.